By Wendy Haynes Connor
The 50th anniversary celebration of Baba’s last visit to Meher Center has just come to a close. It has been a remarkable and loving time at Baba’s Center, filled with special events and precious memories of the Beloved. For me personally, it’s been a particularly meaningful period of remembrance and reflection because it was in ’58 when I first met Baba here with my family.
I am asked from time to time how can I remember so much when I was just a child of six. And I reply that perhaps, if Baba had been an ordinary man, my memories would have dulled by now. But, because Baba is the very Source of Love, I’ve come to feel that my meeting was an experience of that love, an awakening of what is most lasting and real in life. And, because this experience is always happening in the eternal now, the experience continues. Really speaking, through our efforts to try to remember Him and please Him I believe that, by His grace, anyone can meet with Baba at any given moment.
When I recall that time, I think about how natural it was being around Baba, how natural it was to trust Him completely. But, as I grew older, it became increasingly challenging for me to leave everything to Baba, to trust that everything that happens is truly for the best — to trust Him as a child.
In the mysterious corners of my inner life, where His voice somehow comes through, I feel Baba asking me to let go of thinking that I am in control. On one level, it sounds easy. But on the so-called “real life” level, this effort to let go is antithetical to the values of the world we live in — a world that tells us we can determine the outcome of anything we do if we just put our mind to it. By ‘letting go’, I don’t mean we shouldn’t care about how we do things in our lives, or not pay attention to the results. Baba addresses this apparent contradiction when He talks about a special quality of inner action, when He says: “Do your best and leave the rest to Me.” This inner action, of course, is surrenderance.
But in trying to surrender one’s life to Baba, the mind itself becomes the problem. It worries, it anticipates, obsesses, wants credit and so on; in short, the mind attaches itself to anything it desires. I have to remind myself to do as Baba says: “Let the heart lead the mind.”
Having a background in improvisational theater, I tend to think in theater metaphors. It seems to me the way Baba has designed this Divine Game is that He has us improvising every moment to a script that’s already been written. . .by Him. Or as Babasaid: “The film was taken long ago, now you watch.” And Mani would add: “We just have to remember our lines.” That’s the part we have to play – make the effort to remember our lines – trusting that Baba wrote the plot long ago. Herein lies the great Divine Paradox: we have to do our best in ways that would please Him, but always keepin the back of our minds that Baba is in control of it all.
Clearly, to place everything in Baba’s Hands, takes complete surrender to His Will, trusting that every experience is designed to bring us closer to Him. For me, surrenderoften takes a huge leap of faith. Sometimes, I feel like that person who’s afraid to get in the lion’s cage Baba speaks of, much less allow myself to be devoured by Him.
In ’58, Kitty asked Baba about my parents’ divorce. Baba gestured, “They were meant to separate.” But Baba,” Kitty asked, “don’t the children need a father?” Baba replied, “What do you mean, Kitty? I am their Father.” I know that Baba wants me to trust Him now in the same way I relied on Him when I was young — wholeheartedly and without hesitation. Sometimes, my day is made up of small surrenders and, at times, big ones. But, as I wake up in the morning and take His Name, I also say: “Baba, help me to play my part well today.” How blessed we are to be able to entrust our hearts and minds to our Beloved, who is both Mother and Father in us all.